im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
