I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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