omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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