She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
