i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
