Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
