thus making me awesome and them whores
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
