So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
