he puts the penis in happiness.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
