You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you inspire me to be a worse person
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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