Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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