Plan B is the new Plan A
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
