some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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