Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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