For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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