Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
