Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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