Whats the glycemic index on semen?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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