we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
