Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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