I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
