im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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