we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
