So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize