Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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