If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
