If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
