No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
