lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
