Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
