go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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