We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
