my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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