I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
false alarm. still invincible.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
