i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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