Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
