Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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