Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
