you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I booty called her while she was in labor.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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