well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
