doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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