I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
