made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
