is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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