I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
