school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
