You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize