You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
