6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
