He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
