You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
