I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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