Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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