It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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