I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
