yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
