You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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