i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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