He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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