I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize