i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
