I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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