she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
this will be a night to untag.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
