Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
