Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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