we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
