PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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