i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
