I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Success! We fucked roommates!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize