i already hear my dad disowning me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
