Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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