Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
