we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Four minutes until I can fart!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
